he didn't come back all night. all my phone calls went unanswered. ignored. i guess that this is a pattern for him though. i read through all the old notes that he has kept from old girlfriends. i knew most of the names, but not all. after 3 years together you would think you would have heard about all of them eventually.

the notes all come from such a dark place, where i am right now. they've tried to make him happy, make themselves happy, but they all seem to fail. they want him to stay, to be around and be their source of comfort. it's not going to happen though. you can make him happy, make yourself happy, for a while, but eventually they all the same way. asking for another chance, telling him they love him. losing him.

would i have done it any differently if i had read the notes sooner?